by Elyse Rafferty Mitchell, LTD Contributor
Author of “Meatballs and Peanut Butter”
The Eve of my Divorce was oddly similar to the night before I gave birth to my oldest son (minus the raging hormones, the 30 extra pounds and the midnight emergency call to the cab company because we were locked out of the garage…but I digress).
This past Sunday, Mother’s Day, was also a big day in another way: it was the day before my court appearance to finalize our Divorce.
It, like that night almost 6 years ago, was one of mixed emotion. There I was, sitting on the edge of something so important, and so life-changing. These moments in my personal history would change who I was in so many ways. Simply, I went from Childless to Motherhood in an instant (ok, 22 hours), and I would now go from Married to Divorced with the smack of a gavel.
I felt nervous, anxious, happy, sad, confused, excited, scared and in any given moment, the percentage of these emotions was in flux. I could have started crying at any moment, for no reason, or any reason at all.
Now, for anyone who knows me, you know I am a planner. I like to be prepared and I like to have order. But in both situations, the fact that both of these life changing events came down to an appointment time made me feel uncomfortable. How can all of that time spent planning, preparing and managing my emotions come down to this? Its big finale was a slot on my calendar? (With my oldest son’s birth, I was 42 weeks and had a scheduled induction. Both events were long over-due and I was equally busting at the seems). I sat there waiting, checked in and eager, for someone to call my name.
Even the car ride down Lake Shore into the city was similar. But one thing was different. I was in the car by myself, without a husband by my side. I was alone this time. By choice, but alone. And I think that’s when it hit me. In this moment in my life, this new life “birth”, I am doing this alone.
Although physically, I was alone, I have never truly been alone in this process. The support of friends and family, and even strangers some times, have been enough to get me through this and to get me to this point. And it’s that love and faith that will get me through this next phase, too.
As I parked the car and walked to the courthouse, I tried to take it all in. I sat for a moment in the sun on a bench near the street, sipped on my coffee and tried to take a breath. I listened to the cabs, the hustle of rush hour, the congestion of people on the streets and the overwhelming feelings overflowing in my heart.
There I sat, on the cusp of something monumental.
To Be Continued….