By Melinda Truitt
We’ve all heard the saying….so and so “can’t see the forest for the trees.”
Well, when you’re hurting you can’t see. Most of the time because your vision
is blurred by tears. Unable or unwilling to recognize a positive life for the
pain. The emotions can be all encompassing and you can’t help it. Nobody WANTS
to hurt, for heavens sake. But not all pain comes from a divorce or a breakup.
Sometimes the pain is already there. Something already inside you. It was the
ending of a relationship or a different sad life event that exposed the sharp
edges. Edges that had been dulled by the presence of another person, a
significant relationship, a marriage, a fun job, or unfortunately chemical
dependency. Some people run from one relationship to another, one city to
another or one job to another convinced “the grass is greener” or “happiness,
however fleeting” will be found. It rarely is but it has been known to happen.
Many people have found love, contentment and satisfaction from taking a risk and
making a change.
But not all.
And the “vicious cycle” continues.
meantime, during that stretch of time you’re at odds or lost, there are people
who care. People who, like you, have gone through similar circumstances and can
empathize. There are also people who were born with or learned early to utilize
an internal contentment meter and are stronger perhaps, emotionally. Finding
these people is easier now with the advent of social media. Yes, there are those
who prey on the weak so as probably everyone’s grandmother has said at one point
or another…“believe ½ of what you see and none of what you hear.” Or something
Take off the blinders. Start chipping away at the ice that has
formed around your heart and put one foot in front of the other. Slowly.
In the very early days after my divorce I literally couldn’t go to bed or wake up
without crying. When your feelings are that raw you don’t take “one day at a
time”. You take 5 minutes at a time. Then you progress to 15 and so on until you
reach that very exciting and inspiring equivalent of scaling a mountain to the
summit, which for me, then, was a week.
There are plenty of advisors out there. Telling you what to do, how to do it and for how long…they’ve all written books. Some of which are very good. Some are fluff.
Learning to sit, crawl, stand, walk… basically starting over after an injury, physical or emotional is tough. Some of this may sound extreme. Not everyone who finds themselves on the other side of matrimonial happiness is crushed like a bug when it ends. Some
celebrate, some have already found someone else and some don’t get out of bed
for days. I wasn’t any of those but in my fervor to “move on” I made some
questionable decisions. Some of which I’ll share in future posts and some I
won’t. Some are funny. Some are sad and some are just stupid.
Marriage and relationships aren’t the “end all be all” of life. There are plenty of folks who
enjoy being single. Chosen on purpose or through circumstance they enjoy their
lives. If you find “special someone”, great! Just don’t push them away out of
fear. That is easy to do. I’ve done it. I’ve also driven people away out of a
different kind of fear. Fear of them leaving eventually anyway caused me to
hasten their departure. I’ve worn the title of “Miss Self Fulfilling Prophecy”
more than once.
Whatever your situation in life there is usually a “light at
the end of the tunnel”. Whether it’s an oncoming car, a train or a person
holding a candle to light your way be sure you can tell the difference.
If you run towards it simply because it’s there or attractive
doesn’t mean it’s right for you.
Carry your own flashlight.
Be careful out there and know there are people who care about what you’re going through.