By Melinda Truitt
It’s never too late to learn something.
Ever been on a ride at the fair? Some random dude flips a switch and off you go? That’s how I remembered it. The wheels were in motion and I was on the train headed to Good
Luck, Bucky….West of Siberia.
Everyone who has ever lost someone to a death or a sudden split knows the feeling…..
‘He was just here….I just saw him. I just
talked to him this morning….’
Fortunately I wasn’t a party to a sudden split but I know people who have been. Talk about having the Oriental Rug pulled out from under you….
What can you learn from this kind of thing?
It doesn’t matter what your life circumstance is.
Doesn’t matter how old you are.
Doesn’t matter how smart you are.
You just have to be able, at some point, to take a lesson of some kind from the sadness.
Sometimes you don’t want to learn a damn thing.
You want to lash out. You want to throw something. You want to
blame somebody for this “it’ll never happen to me” event. I refused to be a
bitch. Regardless of what happened I flat out refused. Did I get in my car and
turn the dark music up so loud that people in Georgia thought it was Halloween?
Did I buy a dozen fake black roses and put them in my new yellow VW
Beetle? Hell yeah I did.
But I was not going to set out a plan to ruin as many people as possible. I needed to figure out some things.
Now, I have never been the genius in any classroom but I got up every morning and went to work at a job I loved and worked very hard. Once I got promoted into management I was on my way. Wait….What?
Was it easy?
Did I question my ability to keep going?
Did I almost give up? Literally?
Before you can learn anything you have to accept what happened. Your marriage that you thought would last until you were too old to remember your first date is over. Acceptance is the hardest thing you’ll ever do. At least it was for me. And I really didn’t. It was like I was watching a movie.
I had a timeshare in denial for years. It took me a while but I finally sold it.
It may seem a waste of time to some people that you appear to dwell on what’s happened. Well meaning people in your life don’t want to see you sad.
Wait…What? What do you mean you want me to go
to a club, sail away on a cruise ship or date your third cousin?
“Don’t wallow”, they say.
“Don’t let him win”, they say.
“Don’t take too long. It’s not good for you.”
As the fog begins to lift you survey the wreckage of what is
now your current situation. I don’t call it life yet. You’re still building a
new one. You’re in a situation. Dealing with lawyers, maybe movers, employers,
your ex and the realization that life as you knew it, for better or worse is over.
I felt like I was watching my life in multi colored 3D. Learning to manage things on my own without my husband.
I felt like a 3 year old.
I remember going to lunch early on with my soon to be ex. I told him I felt like I
was going to go crazy. He dismissed it. He was hurting too but at the time as a
3 year old it was all about me.
I put myself in some dangerous situations. Mostly because I was clueless. Fortunately I had a new best friend who I’m convinced was put in my life for the purpose of keeping me functional. He held my hand through some very dark days. I was lost. I was sick. I didn’t care. I didn’t see the point. Fortunately other people did and I was so hung up on pleasing people their plan worked. Look at your situation this way. You were
living in a particular country. You spoke the language. You shared a home. You
understood the culture. Now you’re living in a different place. The language is
different. You’re now single. That’s a different culture than what you knew
especially if you were in a relationship or marriage 20+ years as I was. It’s bloody tough.
But you know what?
You’ll make it.
Take your time. Find your footing. Keep your head above water. You’ll learn how to swim. You’ll master the new language. You’ll decorate the new place. And finally a day will come when you will be able to tell the story without crying.